Needing a cause.

So I am sorry for this but I needed to get it out. I went to my room early last night as some as might have noticed because I have issues eating. As soon as I got to my room and a while after I started to cry. This whole trip has been so much to intake and had been very overwhelming. As much as this trip is an amazing experience, this trip has made me realize how truely meaningless my life has been so far. The people ofthis movement were brutalized, tortured in a sense, and some even were killed. But they fought peacefully to change the world and inspire others. For those who do not know those are two of my goals in life along owning 7 cats. But yeah to change the world and inspire is what I dream to do everyday and honestly is is part of the only reason I am still here today. Anyway I realized last night that while this movement and these people did all of that. They fought peacefully, never giving up hope and changed the world while I am too worried about the boy I like thinking I was crazy because he catches me staring at him all the time. I have done nothing with my life and seeing what these people have done has made me realize how much I truely hate myself for not finding my cause as these people did.